A Choice
by inufun101
Summary: Set during the episode History Repeating. Damon is devastated after the crystal is destroyed. With the lost of the chance to have Katerine, he is determined to kill himself.


Set during the episode History Repeating. Damon is devastated after the crystal is destroyed. With the lost of the chance to have Katerine, he is determined to kill himself.

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As I see the witch throw the crystal into the air I hold my breath. Then I see it shatter and my breath is release along with my rage. Once I noticed the fire disappears from around her I attack, vengeful and ferocious. Stefan throws me back and I am staggering just to stay upright.

Darkness. Was what I saw and how I felt. My life, my love, my whole purpose was gone. This is the only moment in my life that I have ever wished that I had just died a century and a half ago instead of having to experience this pain all over again.

I had lost my beloved Katherine. I tried for so long to bring her back. And it was all for nothing. All the horrible things I had ever done in my hit me like a wave. And as Elena, the witch, and my brother headed off to the car, I fell to my knees. I didn't have the strength to stand anymore. My black jean were stained as I crushed the grass beneath me.

All these years I placed a lock on my heart, trying my hardest to not allow any emotions to go through. An unknown fact is that although we are dead, vampires feel emotion 10 times as strongly as any human. I just never wanted to experience that. But the lock was finally gone and I was drowning. My undead life was built around this wasted moment. I had believed that it would have been worth it. I would have Katherine in my arms and I would be in total bliss. But I was so wrong.

I had loved her so much, that I ended up hating the only other person that I ever truly cared for, my baby brother. Before she came into our lives we were the best of friends but when I saw how much Katherine lusted over him, I couldn't take it. My jealously grew into hatred. No matter how much I tried not to believe it, I knew that Katherine had chosen him. She just couldn't let him go no matter how hard I tried to convince her. I was the only one that should have been turned...not Stefan.

I searched and fought to bring her back believing that once she realized all the trouble I went through to revive her then maybe she would finally chose me. But now because of that damn witch, my one chance was gone.

I have become a monster. No one could or should ever love me. I thought I had started to develop feelings for Elena but after seeing the way she looked at me after I had attacked her friend it had shown that I had no chance whatsoever. She glanced back down at her knight and shining armor and left me to wallow in my pain. Again the girl had chosen Stefan. I know I shouldn't be surprised though. My brother was a saint. He still had his humanity while I on the other had always shunned it.

I heard footsteps coming towards me and I didn't know if I was ready to say goodbye. I had decided to kill myself. I had no other reason to live now. I was sick of this world. It had never brought me joy. It was just as twisted as me. I didn't want to live this life anymore. These would be my final moments. I finally decided to tell Stefan the truth. Before he was able to utter a word, I spoke.

"Katherine never compelled me. I knew everything. Every step of the way." Stefan had to understand. " …it was real for me. "

While she fought for Stefan to love her, I gave Katherine my heart wholeheartedly. Although it seemed to be too late I needed my brother to know the pain that I was in. So he would understand why I wanted to die. Naturally I had never been an evil person but her love turned me into one. When he did not response I felt like it was my time to leave. I couldn't take these emotions anymore.

"I'll leave now. I won't bother you or Elena ever again." I was still unable to look him in the eyes. I have never comfortable being emotional around him.

"Truthfully, I hope you and her have a happy ending. You deserve it."I managed to whisper. I quickly got up and walked off in some direction. I didn't want to say goodbye. I didn't even know how. Next thing I knew, I was being slammed into a tree by my brother's strong grip around my throat. I was shocked and confused.

"What the hell Stefan. Let me go." I tried to struggle against him but again to my surprise my animal eating brother was stronger than me. I guess experiencing all these feelings at once had weakened me. That is why I never allow it to happen.

He tightens his grip and I just give up. I had wanted to die anyway. I might as well let the honors go to Stefan. He deserves it after all the trouble I put him through. He noticed my lost of fire and he grew very worried.

"What's wrong with you Damon? What is happening to you?" I looked up at the concern in my brother's face and I lost my last ounce of control. Tears began to escape me. That was my problem. I didn't know what was wrong with me or why I was feeling this way. All I knew that I wanted it to stop. I am usually calm and collected. I didn't like being this babbling idiot.

My tears surprised Stefan and I knew he was at a loss of words. Never before had I allowed him to see my weakness. I was the older brother. He looked up to me. I couldn't afford to lose his respect. My father never believed in me but Stefan always did, constantly to my own complete surprise. But now I believed I had finally lost him.

"I can't go on Stefan. I can't do this anymore. I'm a demon. I am the devil. That's who I've been since Katherine was locked in that tomb. I can't go back to the person I was before. It's impossible. I shouldn't be alive. Don't you understand? I don't deserve a life. I don't deserve happiness. "

I saw him try to interrupt me probably with some sainty talk about how I am a good person on the inside but I cut him off. I didn't want him to change my mind. "You have Elena, Stefan. Don't pretend that you will miss me, because we both know you won't. I can't stay here with you anymore. I can't be around her. Although I know she isn't Katherine, I just can't stand the resemblance. I have to go. Hopefully you can understand that."

With last sense of dignity that I had after confessing my heart like a little school girl to my only family, I used my strength and pushed Stefan off of me. He staggered backwards so I tried to twist my body around him so I could run away. But he blocked my advances by slammed me again back into the same tree. I was confused as to how Stefan became so strong or maybe how I had become so weak. He would never have been able to do this before. It really was getting annoying being on the receiving end. This must be how he feels. Well he won't have to deal with me manhandling him anymore if he would just let me go. I was just about to voice my thoughts when I felt his arm wrap around me and envelope me in a hug.

My whole body became rigid and I froze. I couldn't even remember the last time he gave me a brotherly hug. Even though I was caught off guard I was surprised to feel my hands move in their own accord and wrap themselves around him too. I felt him squeeze his arms around me while resting his head on my shoulder and I knew this felt right for both of us.

"Please don't go. I chose you." I heard Stefan whisper. I thought I didn't hear him correctly. I pushed him slightly away and asked him to repeat himself. With sadness but determination erected on his face, he said "I don't want you to die Damon. I know you've always hated me but you must know that I never hated you. I'm so sorry that Katherine broken your heart. And I regret it every day that I let her separate us. I won't let history repeat itself. If I had to chose between you and Elena. I chose you. No matter how much I try Elena will never be able to understand everything about me….she just can't." He paused and collected himself. I could understand how painful it was for him to admit that.

"That's why I need you. You're my big brother. I begged for you to turn all those years ago so that we can spend eternity together. I meant it then and I mean it now. Where ever you go I go. I refuse to do this without you." And in order to end his very emotional speech on a less awkward note, he added... "Anyway you know what the kids say, bros before hoes."

I tried to laugh at Stefan's lame excuse for a joke but my breath had escaped me. I stared deeply into his eyes to make sure he was telling the truth and when he gave me a small nod confirming my beliefs unexpectedly I pulled my little brother into another hug. It seemed like we were going for a record today.

I managed to choke out, "..thank you...and for the record I never hated you. You could be annoying as hell sometimes but you're my younger brother…hating you Stefan is impossible." And before he could pull anymore emotions out of me I ran off with vampire speed into the woods and back to our house.

To say I was surprised by this evening's events would be a mass understatement. Saint Stefan had just basically chosen his evil, narcissistic brother over his beloved Elena. Anyone would think that he had gone crazy. I know I did. But what he said was true. Elena would never be able to understand all the aspects of Stefan's life. He has tried his hardest to appear human for her sake. This had infuriated me. If Elena could not accept that he was a vampire then she could never truly love him. It seems that he finally understood that.

I was saddened that he was hurt but it really warmed my heart to know that someone actually cared about me. I had a new purpose for living now. I was going get my brother back. I was going to finally act like a family member to him because he deserved it. I was going to make myself be able to deserve his love. As I sat by the fireplace, relaxing amongst the cinders and warmth of my living room. I grabbed the glass of brandy on the end table and swallowed it all in one gulp. My mind was in a state of shock. I still couldn't believe it. He had actually chosen me.

Someone had finally chosen me.

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If it would be worthwhile to continue the story feel free to let me know. It has already been suggested and I am thinking about it but I would like more feedback.

Thanks!


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